They Named Me Too Soon
Why Identity Isn’t Up for Debate (and What I’m No Longer Answering To)
As a child, in my neighborhood, they told me:
“You think you cute.”
“You think you better than us ‘cause you talk like you…”
And as I got older it shifted to:
“She ain’t all that.”
The truth? I didn’t think I was better. I actually believed the opposite.
I didn’t want the world to see how insecure I was, how low my self-esteem felt, so I tried to hide.
So I started naming myself.
First, I called myself “a lot.”
Then I softened it — “high maintenance.”
But none of it really fit.
I couldn’t land on a name that felt like me, because I wasn’t sure who me really was.
So I settled.
Not just in relationships. Not just in jobs.
But in identity.
Not because their words were true — but because I didn’t yet know how to define myself.
So I accepted what was handed to me.
Nicknames that didn’t fit.
Titles that didn’t tell my story.
Roles that silenced the real me.
They didn’t know what God was developing.
They named me too soon.
As Archbishop Wilson always said:
“It’s not about what people call you. It’s about what you answer to.”
That truth found me in the middle of an identity crisis.
Not the kind that shows up in a mirror — the kind that shows up in a moment.
A moment when someone calls you something that doesn’t fit anymore, and you realize…
you’ve outgrown the name.
🧵 The Story
I’ve carried names that never truly belonged to me.
My first last name wasn’t even connected to my bloodline. In the words of our favorite TV show host: “He was NOT the father!!!” 😂🤣😂🤣.
From the very beginning, I was carrying a story that wasn’t mine.
Then came marriage. I took on new names, thinking it meant new identity, new covenant, new belonging. But when it ended, I was left holding onto last names that didn’t represent covenant anymore — just broken promises.
That’s when I realized: every time my last name changed, it wasn’t God’s hand on my identity.
It was my decisions in that season.
I wasn’t standing in who I was called to be.
I was standing in what someone else claimed me to be. Ouch.
And then I came to a place where I had to ask myself…
What if I made up a name? What if I chose one that spoke to my destiny instead of my history?
Because maybe the point was never about whether I kept or dropped a name.
The point was that I was done.
I finally stopped letting people name me too soon.
🧠 My Identity Is Not Up for Debate
To claim my true identity, I had to sit with truths that felt like labor pains.
I had to face this:
Performance, explanation, and control had become my default posture.
Survival mode.
The constant emotional and mental labor of managing perceptions and outcomes.
Living small so others could stay comfortable.
Some names were given to me.
Others I accepted myself.
All of them kept me in a cycle.
But not anymore.
I’m no longer explaining myself into small boxes.
I’m not arguing with assumptions, defending my becoming, or breaking myself into bite-sized pieces to keep others comfortable.
I used to think peace meant making sure people understood my heart, even at the cost of my mental health.
Now I know peace means being whole — whether they understand me or not.
My fruit will speak.
My life will testify.
That is enough.
And so am I.
🔥 I Do Not Belong to What Broke Me
There were people who loved the broken version of me — the one that performed, apologized, and stayed small. They were attached to my potential.
But the moment I began walking in the purpose, posture, and promise of what God named me, their posture changed.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
My personal growth is not disloyalty to the potential you projected onto me.
They loved me when I was broken, but distanced themselves when I became whole.
What I walked through no longer defines me.
What they called me in my wilderness doesn’t apply in my Promised Place.
🕊️ God Was Never Asking Me to Be Her
There’s a silent pressure on women like us:
Keep the image.
Meet the expectations.
Stay predictable.
Smile through silence.
But sometimes obedience to God looks nothing like their expectations.
I wasn’t made to blend into what they understood.
I was made to follow a God who names me according to my assignment — not their comfort.
(Read more about this in my other reflection on obedience vs. expectation → Coming soon.)
💡 The Reflection
Every time I dimmed myself to avoid tension, I wasn’t keeping peace — I was keeping dysfunction alive.
I was protecting someone else’s reason not to grow, at the expense of my own.
They called me “too much.”
They called me “hard to love.”
They called me “extra.”
But none of those were my real name.
Because the truth is: I answer only to who He called me to be.
🔍 Reflection of the Reflection
God gives you a name that doesn’t chain you to history — it pulls you forward into destiny.
Because sometimes the names people give you are really assignments they wanted you to carry: their insecurity, their fear, their need to shrink you down so they could stay comfortable.
✨ Reflection Questions
What names, labels, or roles are you finally ready to stop answering to?
Who did people expect you to be — and how does that differ from who you are now?
Have you mistaken survival roles for identity? What are you ready to release?
🎯 Call to Action
What name are you refusing to answer to?
And what name will you speak?
Drop a comment:
“For me? My name is…”
Let’s raise up the real names — not the ones assigned in broken rooms.
📖 Scripture Anchor
“But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel:
Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.”
— Isaiah 43:1 (NKJV)
God was never asking you to carry names assigned by fear, shame, or expectation.
He already has a name for you — and it fits perfectly.
And when He calls you by name, it’s not premature.
It’s eternal.
💬 Boss Up Affirmation
I am not what they called me.
I answer only to who He called me.
I no longer carry old labels — I carry new purpose.
I don’t shrink to make others comfortable.
I don’t perform to manage perceptions.
I claim my name (spoken or not), and I will walk in it.
✨ Closure: My New Name
For a long time, I settled for the names they gave me.
But today, I stand in the name God gave me.
B.O.S.S. U.P.
Believe who God says I am
Overcome every false label
Stand in my posture
Speak my truth
Unlock my purpose
Protect my peace
That’s not just a phrase.
That’s my new name.
And like Granny said: “Put a handle on it.”
So call me Ms. Bossed Up.
With Grit + Grace,
— Ms. Bossed Up 👑
Faith-Led Life Coach
#CoveredByGraceFueledByGrit
Love it! I am who God say I am💜
Ms. Boss Up, job well done in declaring your name, not from trauma but from truth. Shalom